I RECENTLY had the privilege of taking my parents on a trip to Turkey. My parents have always loved travelling, but life happened, and in the midst of four kids, college fees, full-time jobs, mortgages and a big family to run, there weren’t many opportunities for that.
Now that their kids are all grown up, retirement is just around the corner and they are in great health; I find this window a time for me to indulge them.
Technically, I left my parents’ home in Kedah when I was 13. I went to a boarding school in the city and after that it was straight to college, studies abroad and then working life in Kuala Lumpur.
I would go home occasionally during school breaks and holidays, but living far away from each other meant that although we were close as a family, we led separate lives.
So taking trips together is a great way to reconnect without our different routines and lifestyles getting in the way.
MANAGING EXPECTATIONS
Travelling with my parents is certainly a different kind of experience compared to going solo, or with friends. I distinctively remember the look on Dad’s face as we sat under a small umbrella by the streets in Istanbul during a heavy downpour, eating grilled intestines.
It was my idea because I am quite adventurous, while Dad’s idea of a vacation is to sit in a cosy restaurant with plates and serviettes.
Similarly, there was also an episode where we spent three days lugging shopping bags around the same district because my parents enjoyed leisure shopping while I preferred a more cultural experience.
These are small examples, but enough to attest that sometimes, we grow up to be different from our parents. I can certainly recall the time when I told my mother that I wanted to join a yoga retreat. She feared that I was on the edge of joining some hobo cult because she is not acquainted with yoga.
The people I dated were never really up my parents’ alley, if you know what I mean. Living in various places my whole life and being surrounded by different communities also meant that I grew up to have a very different outlook on life and faith than my parents.
This is not to say that one is better than the other, we just see and perceive things differently.
Luckily, my parents never expected me to be of a certain way. Luckily, our differences are not to the extent that it causes strain on our relationship. However, this is not necessarily true for everyone. I remember a guy I dated whose parents did not like how I looked and sounded, different to what they had expected from a potential daughter-in-law.
ACCEPTING DIFFERENCES
Whether you have parents or a parental figure in your life, your relationship with them is perhaps the most enduring in your lifetime. For most of us, we had probably never known life without our parents in it.
That said, as I grew older and became acquainted with many people, I came to realise that there are so many different parent-child dynamics out there.
Some are very close to their parents, to the point that they all live together even as adults. Some are estranged from each other for a million different reasons while others lost their parents very early on. Some grew up to have the same beliefs and lifestyles as their folk while others are the exact opposite.
Whichever one you are, we can all agree that loving our parents is a colourful, crucial and sometimes challenging journey that shapes our lives.
What I have learnt is that although it may not be a walk in the park, as long as your intentions are sincere with how you want to lead your own life, you will always be able to reconcile your differences.
Sometimes we forget that our parents are only human, and they are just like us too, only older. All they want is for us to be happy, and their vision of being happy can be completely different than ours. And that’s normal — they grew up in a different time and under different circumstances.
Just because we are different does not mean we should love and respect each other less. This is true not just with our parents and families, but also when it comes to society.
A geoscientist by day and an aspiring writer by night, Amal Ghazali ponders on everything, from perplexing modern-day relationship dilemmas to the fascinating world of women’s health and well-being. All done, of course, while having a good laugh. Read more of her stories at bootsoverbooks.com.
