I SUDDENLY recalled a funny incident that my children had related to me. They were playing at the playground when an ice cream seller approached the kids. Everyone went crazy ordering this and that. We usually discourage our children from consuming junk food or ice cream without our permission. But kids being kids, they succumbed to the tempting flavours and bought a cone each for themselves.
Worried that we'd find out, they reminded our 5-year-old Adam: "Don't tell Mummy that we bought some ice cream, okay? Here, take this strawberry flavour for yourself." He nodded in agreement and continued playing. The elder siblings were relieved, believing that their little secret would be safe with Adam.
About an hour later, they went home for the day. The moment he entered the front door, Adam frantically searched for Mummy as if he'd not seen her for days. Once he found her in the kitchen, he excitedly blurted out: "Mummy, just now Abang and Kakak bought some ice-cream!" The secret was out, and it took a mere five minutes into the house and without interrogation.
We were fine with the ice cream purchase and laughed about it, but there were two lessons from that incident: Never trust your secret with a 5-year-old, and more importantly, children don't understand negative language such as "don't". In his mind, all Adam could remember was, "tell", "Mummy", and "ice-cream". These very clear and actionable words drove him to spill the beans.
POSITIVE WORDS AND INSTRUCTIONS
Bringing this understanding into a broader context, we must ensure that we always use actionable words to communicate with others, our children included. If you're a parent, instead of saying "do not run" to your kids, try saying "walk slow". Instead of telling them, "Don't play on the computer for too long," say instead, "You have one hour on the PC."
These actionable words apply in other aspects of life too. There are many more positive words and instructions that we can and should be using daily. For example, a boss can question "Why did you make so many careless mistakes?" while reprimanding an employee. But the employee will be more motivated to change when the same boss uses actionable words such as, "Check carefully before you send the email."
Yes, even the words, "don't give up" remain confusing to some people. There's no reason to expose and risk them to negativity when positive words are clearer, more uplifting and motivating. Say "try again and try harder".
Using positive language and actionable words are a small but critical step towards creating a positive and optimistic individual. It complements our efforts to create a fair, secure, tolerant and encouraging environment. People who experience this environment will become positive and confident.
So, let's start today to switch the negative thoughts and words into positive ones. As Adam had demonstrated, using negative words could backfire as people may just do the opposite!
Zaid Mohamad coaches and trains others to bring out their best while enjoying a peaceful, purposeful life. Reach him at [email protected].
