I SHOULD have expected this. The entire package deal. Squealing, pink-cheeked boys, a smiley grandmother and, of course, the very familiar couple most Malaysians are acquainted with, emerge from the black MPV that rolls up next to my car.
It's only 10.30am and the cafe we're supposed to be meeting at doesn't look to be open. I stifle a sigh. It did say it opens at 10.30am. Welcome to Klang. Time moves differently here.
Looking a little rumpled and worn out, Logesh Kumaar breaks into a smile as I approach them with a wave. "We just returned from Penang yesterday," he explains half-apologetically.
It's been a hectic trip and the young family have tried to pack in as much as they could see of Malaysia this time around. They've only been here for a few weeks and already we've seen some of their adventures (and hijinks) online.
If you're no stranger to social media, you've more likely than not stumbled upon some rather humorous videos of a Malaysian husband and his American wife, and their attempts to bridge the cultural gap that exists between them.
In this sprawling universe that also covers millennial live-streamers, cooking channels, music videos, comedic skits and much more, the Kumaars stand out because they make for good television; escapism with a dose of humorous reality thrown in. The young family of four offers a view of life in authentically challenging circumstances, in contrast to the manufactured dramas the medium typically invites.
You might have caught one of their hilarious videos where Logesh speaks to his wife, Rachel, in Bahasa Malaysia for 24 hours as she tries her best to understand. "I miss my husband," she says resignedly at one point.
Then there's her attempt to eat rice with a fork. "Do not bring that European nonsense into this ethnic household!" he says aghast, while handing her a spoon. Then there's another delightful video of them attempting to sing Sudirman's famous nationalistic song, Tanggal 31 Ogos.
Meet the Kumaar family, a Malaysian-American blended family with a staggering 153,200 followers on TikTok and 280,000 subscribers on their YouTube channel. Haven't caught their videos yet? Don't know who they are? You might need to come out from under that proverbial rock-lah!
There's something rather endearing about their goofy, good-natured attempts to embrace their unique standpoints. Dinner at 5pm? Unheard of in Malaysia! Wearing shoes in the house? Gasp, God forbid! How about eating durians or spicy food? These make for entertaining videos and Malaysians can't help but root for the Kumaars.
I mean, we passionately love our food and our culture. So, what's not to love about this annei bringing all things Malaysian to the Americans? And what's not to love about his amiable Mat Salleh wife who willingly embraces her husband's quirks with open arms? So yes, judging from their growing following, I dare say most Malaysians do love the Kumaars!
FAMILY NOSTALGIA
"I've always wanted to document the stories of our lives!" begins Logesh. The shutters have rolled open just after 10:45am, and thankfully we've all managed to seat ourselves. It's a challenge, of course.
There's a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old in the mix. Food must be ordered. A lot of hemming and hawing take place once the menus are distributed. The older boy, Zaden, wants to choose his breakfast while grandma helps keep an eye on the younger one, Kyren. I'm prepared for the long pauses in between our chat. Logesh is now distracted by Kyren. And his first sentence hangs in the air for a while.
"Where was I?" he murmurs distractedly, before exclaiming: "Oh yes, videos!" Flashing a grin, he continues: "I love watching YouTube. I enjoy following vlogs of other people and getting to know their perspective of life."
When the pandemic hit two years ago, life came to a slight standstill. It wasn't altogether bad, the couple insists. "We went for long walks and we enjoyed spending time as a family," chips in Rachel.
But the idea of documenting their lives was something Logesh was interested in. "We did attempt to shoot a video about two years before the pandemic. It was so bad we never posted it. It was really, really bad!" he says, chuckling.
Still, they had two growing boys. Children have a way of growing up too fast, and Logesh wanted to capture their daily lives, hoping that these records would one day be something that the couple could look back and watch together. "I mean, I thought it'd be cool to see how the kids were growing up," he adds, shrugging his shoulders. "We had nothing else to do at that point, anyway!" chips in Rachel dryly.
The first few videos garnered around 30 to 40 views, "…mostly our family and friends, of course!" he says, breaking into laughter. But then, as fate would have it, he posted one video that suddenly went viral overnight. "It was a reaction video to another video of how Malaysians did really well in handling the pandemic. Funnily enough, people enjoyed that."
Buoyed by the response, Logesh started creating more content for their growing audience. "We finally found our niche," adds Rachel, continuing: "The things that we go through as a couple from different worlds and how we're bridging that seemed to be something that people enjoyed watching."
ON BEING MALAYSIAN
All roads lead to Klang. Ask Rachel and she'd shake her head with a mixture of exasperation and fondness. "We always seem to end up in Klang. Every trip!" she'd told me as an aside while we waited earlier for the café to open. "Most times, he just wants to be in Klang while I'm telling him that we should explore the rest of the country!"
I can't help but secretly understand Logesh. I mean, I'm a Klangite too and there's something about this town that draws you back again and again. "It's like Hotel California," I reminded her of the Eagles' famous hit, adding: "You can always check out anytime you like, but you can never leave!" And we both laughed.
"I do love Klang," he admits later exuberantly. It's his hometown and the 35-year-old is ever willing to elaborate: "Ask any Klangite. We have the kind of kampung vibes in this town where everyone knows everyone. It's a wonderful familial feeling!"
I nod in agreement. It's easy to bond with the jovial father of two over Klang. We share a lot of Klang nostalgia for a while. There's a glint in his eyes as he talks about his childhood in this small town.
"We didn't have a lot growing up but we made the most of it," he shares. It was just him and his older sister, along with his doting parents who ensured that their children got everything they needed growing up.
"Mum was a pharmacist and dad, a boiler man," he continues before a voice interrupts him. "Pharmacy assistant, ya. Not pharmacist!" his mother corrects him, adding: "Don't say pharmacist. They're two different things!"
I can't help but laugh. "Ah yes, okay, pharmacy assistant," he corrects himself quickly. It's endearing to see the dynamics between mother and son. It's really a Klang thing, I observe and he chuckles in response.
The steaming milk in ceramic cups arrive just as he's about to continue. The boys perk up. "Oh, such fancy cups!" murmurs Rachel. "Careful, it's still hot!" Another round of conversation ensues — but not with me.
The interview is once again on hiatus. "Mama!" cries Kyren. He wants to get out of grandma's grasp and climb over to his mum. There's a lot of wriggling as he clambers over Logesh into Rachel's arms. It's family time once more.
"Oh yes, where was I?" asks Logesh. "Growing up in Klang," I remind him. They lived a simple life in Klang. "My parents provided us with everything we needed. They put food on the table and all they wanted us to do was to excel in our studies," he recalls fondly. A beat, and he adds shamefacedly: "But I disappointed them a lot!"
In what way, I ask. "Well, I didn't do too well in exams!" he replies. So, you're not a straight-A student? "Oh, far from that!" he exclaims. Is that a Klang thing, I wonder aloud. I mean, I wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed either. "I don't know," he muses, adding: "My sister was the exact opposite. She was a straight-A student all the way!"
Instead, the young Logesh was into gadgets and gizmos. Nothing to do with exams, of course, but he shares that he was one of the first to own a CD burner in his school. "I'm not proud of it and I don't condone what I did, but I had a little business burning music CDs for my schoolmates back then!" he reveals, shaking his head, adding: "I was always into computers and all that."
After leaving school, he pursued his undergraduate studies in computer science at a local college. Again, he didn't exactly excel in his studies. "I got by," he says with a shrug. The IT industry wasn't doing well so the young man went on into marketing and sales after college.
Were you good at it? I ask. "I think I was," he answers, adding: "But I didn't really appreciate the stress and the fact that I had to manage people. I mean, I was really young. Eventually I got out of sales and returned to the IT field."
Life was moving along but Logesh was beginning to feel a little jaded. "I wasn't really doing anything. I was kind of coasting along and not accomplishing much in my life then," he admits.
Then something happened to change all that.
After yet another round of partying late into the night, the 23-year-old was driving back when he fell asleep behind the wheel. His car hit the middle divider before spinning wildly several times and finally crashing into a ditch. He crawled out of the wreck shaken up but unscathed.
"This was a wake-up call," he says soberly. His parents had been wanting him to go overseas and continue with his studies, away from the distractions back home. Finally, he decided he'd do exactly that.
In less than a year, he'd be on a plane heading for the United States. "I was someone who did things fast. If I wanted to do something, I'd just go ahead and do it. I won't procrastinate," he says firmly.
WELCOME TO AMERICA
It wasn't easy assimilating into a different culture, admits Logesh candidly.
What does "assimilation" mean these days? The word has its roots in the Latin simulare, meaning to make similar. Students (and immigrants) are expected, over an undefined period, to become like other Americans, a process metaphorically described as a melting pot.
By what criteria is an outsider judged to fit into such a diverse nation? For some, assimilation is based on pragmatic considerations, like achieving some fluency in the dominant language, some educational or economic success, some familiarity with the country's history and culture. For others, it runs deeper and involves relinquishing all ties, even linguistic ones, to the old country.
For Logesh, the whole idea of assimilation was wrongheaded, and integration — a dynamic process that retains the connotation of individuality — is seen as the better model. Think salad bowl, rather than melting pot: Each ingredient keeps its flavour, even as it mixes with others.
"I didn't want to lose myself in this new place," he continues, adding: "But it was hard. Even the language (and they spoke English!) seemed unfamiliar. The sense of community and family I was used to back home was a rarity here."
Failure wasn't an option, he vowed early on. His parents had already sacrificed so much to get him out here, so he vowed to embrace change, understand the culture, and stick it through until he graduated.
"It was hard to form really close relationships with people," he recalls. "I felt lonely. I had trouble forming real, genuine and authentic friendships that I was used to having back home."
It got better after a while. In his second year at university and two months before he graduated, Logesh met Rachel.
LOVE IN AMERICA
He was invited to a church potluck gathering by some friends in September 2012. As he was standing at the buffet line, Rachel went up to him and said "Hi!". Did sparks fly? I ask him. "No. I ignored her because I didn't want to hold up the food line!"
"I turned to say hi but he ignored me and got his food," Rachel chips in, chuckling, before adding: "But when he did get his food, he came back and we talked for the rest of the night."
A pause and she adds dryly: "This was my first lesson about being a Malaysian. Never get between a Malaysian and his food!"
We break into laughter at that. Again, there's a little scuffle that breaks up our conversation. The food had arrived. It was time to dig in, and with two eager hungry boys already reaching out to grab the croissants and sausages, there's a lot of cajoling, negotiating and feeding to be done.
"Welcome to the behind-the-scenes tour of the Kumaar family!" teases Logesh, before adding: "This is how it is!"
Continues Logesh: "Well she was extremely friendly. I thought she was part of the welcoming committee at the gathering!" His wife grins and tells me earnestly: "I'm just a nice person. Besides, I had a crush on him from the night I met him!"
His eyes widen at her revelation. "Oh," he responds. He's genuinely surprised.
The couple became fast friends. They saw each other every weekend at church and soon started going for a jog by the lake together. "It was funny," he observes with another laugh. "We'd go jogging for around half hour and then spend another couple of hours talking at the car park. Eventually, I decided to just gather up my courage and ask her for a date."
Logesh took Rachel out for dinner at a Malaysian restaurant. It was a test, he insists. "If she didn't like Malaysian food, it wasn't going to work out!" he tells me, adding: "A lot of Americans can't handle Malaysian cuisine. And I couldn't spend the rest of my life living with someone who disliked the food that I grew up with."
Fortunately, Rachel loved the cuisine. "One of the first dish I tried was the chicken rendang. To this day, that's my favourite Malaysian food," she confides. They started a serious relationship in December 2012, a few months after they met. Logesh married Rachel in June 2014. And the rest, as they say, is history and a whole load of funny videos.
UNIQUE PARTNERSHIP
Were there a lot of gaps that needed to be bridged? I ask. I mean, it couldn't be easy being in an intercultural marriage.
"There are many gaps to this day," he admits, adding: "Even right now, we're a work in progress. It's real life. Being in an intercultural relationship isn't easy."
There was so much to learn from each other. And so much to adjust to. "For example, wearing shoes inside the house," he says. That was a hard one. Asians don't wear shoes inside the house as a sign of respect. He wanted to observe that in his own home.
"I didn't lay down the law. Instead, we talked about it and together we decided we wanted to adopt the Malaysian way of keeping our shoes out of the house," says Logesh smiling. It's not about whose practices are wrong or right. "It's really all about what makes sense for us and our family," he adds.
"He brings to the table a lot of small nuances that are embedded culturally," Rachel says of her husband, who has also encouraged her to embrace some of the cultures, like taking care of her parents and asking the older couple to live with them. It's not the American way, but Logesh wanted that sense of community and family, and it took a lot of convincing for Rachel as well as her parents to move in together.
"I see a lot of value in having my sons spend time with their grandparents. We take care of Rachel's parents and they in turn spend time with the boys," he explains. It's worked out wonderfully and Logesh still intends to carry on upholding the values that he'd grown up with in America, where he's started his own family.
"Well, they do say you can take a guy out of Klang but you can't take the Klang out of him!" I point out and they laugh. "It's true. I have such a strong love for all things Malaysian," he admits, adding: "A lot of Americans don't know much about Malaysia and I want to change that."
He sighs a little. "We never set out to be famous really," he says finally, before adding: "These videos? We just love all things Malaysian and we love our Malaysian audience who've enjoyed watching our little video logs. Recording our journey as a couple and family, whilst navigating cultural differences has unwittingly given us a platform and an audience, and we're immensely grateful for that."
Any chance of returning to Malaysia for good? I ask.
"Oh, that's a million-dollar question!" exclaims Logesh, adding: "Retirement in Malaysia is a definite, but we really can't write out a script and plan our lives. We have two boys and we have to think about them."
Concluding, he says: "But until the day comes, I'll always keep a piece of this nation in my heart and try to put this country on the map, so to speak. I mean, what's not to love about Malaysia? We have a very hospitable culture, amazing food, a unique language… there's so much to show and celebrate, isn't there?"
