This week, one of the senior executives that attend my leadership coaching sessions needed what I called a 'focused reminder'. In simple terms, I had to hammer home some home truths to him.
I listened to him for about half an hour while he listed out a range of excuses for why he wasn't performing at work. And I had to put to stop to proceedings, because his lack of ownership for his own actions was staggering.
He is a very pleasant and warm person, but I understand why his line leaders find him totally ineffective. I find that his problem is that he doesn't realise his lack of personal efficacy.
And, this is what bothers his employer.
I had to make him aware that ultimately, he is responsible for the quality of his life.
But he misses out because he simply doesn't prioritise what needs to be done first. And when he is questioned about not meeting his KPIs, he reverts to offering meandering and long-winded explanations on what his issues and problems were, and what he spent his time on, instead.
To be fair, he is hardworking. But his work-product is not focused and oriented to results.
With his current falling out with his bosses, I asked him to question what his role was in making them feel this way. And after some cajoling and pushing, he finally began to see his part.
This episode made me think.
Most of us are schooled, from a young age, to apportion blame anywhere and everywhere else, except to ourselves. It seems to be an instinctive reaction that many of us get stuck with, as we get older.
You come to work late, and of course you tell your boss that there was a traffic jam because the school holidays are over. Really? You did not factor that in? Somehow, unbeknownst to you, school kids conspired to impede your journey to work?
Or, after being heavily reprimanded by boss because you forgot to do something, you go home and moan to your spouse. You grumble that your superiors only notice the bad things you do, and never the good that you deliver.
Remember, naturally bosses will remember the trouble you caused them, before they might remind themselves of whatever good you do.
The consequences of thinking defensively and passing responsibility for your own flaws are far more serious than simply being sidelined for a promotion or not getting a bonus at the end of the year. You might get fired from your job, or even worse, lose huge amounts of money that you have carefully accumulated.
I have learnt some tough lessons in my entrepreneurial life. People whom I have thought were pleasant have turned nasty. Partners who were generous in spirit originally became uncompromising. Business associates who have told me that they will be silent partners, end up being noisy, and nosey irritants.
During my early years of business, I would regularly get livid and upset with difficult partners, associates, and clients. I'd spend hours mulling about things, and getting irate with people. Until, it dawned on me one day that in the businesses that I promote and lead, I had to assume full and completely responsible for everything that happened.
For examples, a disastrous business experience taught me this lesson. I had gone into partnership with someone without doing any due diligence on him; I went into a business selling something that I had no knowledge about; and most significantly, I signed agreements without truly understanding their consequences.
When the venture failed, none of the above had anything to do with anyone else.
They were all my own choices, and I simply had to take responsibility. That year, I lost all my personal savings from the previous three years. It was an extremely tough lesson in life.
It taught me that if I wanted successful personal results, I had to take complete ownership for everything I did, and anything that happened to me. I had to give up any excuses, the victim mentality, and internal justifications for why I could not do something.
I needed to own my actions. Remember that you always have the power to change things, to get things right, and to produce the results that you want.
Now, when something does not produce the results I expect, I've trained myself to start by examining my own role in why it did not work. I force myself to look at my own intent and actions. Instead of just focusing on external factors or justifications, I think about how I need to behave, for results.
At the end of the day, this is the attitude that will bring you success in everything you do.
Are you ready to take complete ownership for all your actions?
Shankar R. Santhiram is managing consultant and executive leadership coach at EQTD Consulting. He is also the author of the national bestseller "So, You Want To Get Promoted?
The views expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect those of the New Straits Times
