IT'S so easy to feel sorry for yourself when you're exhausted and unwell, and when you think you're invisible because you feel that no one sees or appreciates what you're doing. This is particularly true for many caregivers who have been doing this for a while. It's also true for people who have given much of themselves to others without sparing a thought for themselves.
There'll be days when you feel angry or sad for no apparent reason. Sometimes you get bouts of melancholia. You may sleep more than usual, or suffer from insomnia, or even alternate between the two.
There are also times when you have no appetite or just eat too much (comfort eating). In between these extremes of emotions and experiences, you find that you've lost interest in things that used to give you much joy.
According to the United States Department of Health and Human Services, one or more of these are signs of stress. If you get sick or are unable to be there for your loved one, have a backup plan. But before that happens, try to identify someone or a few people who are ready and willing to help you, should you need it.
TAKING A TOLL
The emotional and physical strain of caring for an ailing loved one can take a toll on the caregiver. So many articles state that caregivers report much higher levels of stress than people who aren't caregivers. Basically, many caregivers provide help and are "on call" almost all day. This often means they don't have much time for work or play with family and friends.
Quite often, caregivers are lonelier, more isolated and disconnected than people realise. Most of the time it's because caregivers are too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it. They feel that if they grumble, then they're deemed to be insincere in taking care of their loved one.
When their complaints have been met with harsh comments or criticism, it isn't surprising that they zip up and just internalise everything. It's under such circumstances that caregivers may succumb to serious health problems; from something as seemingly minor like fatigue, irritability and sadness, to other illnesses like flu, arthritis, diabetes and even heart disease.
Doctors who are aware of these would keep an eye on the caregiver as well when they see their patients. Most of the time, the caregivers are the patient's children. They'll be the ones updating the medical team on the conditions of the ailing loved one, especially when he/she can no longer speak.
When I was taking care of my parents, their doctors would always ask about my health, sometimes also giving me a quick check-up, such as taking my blood pressure and sugar levels at no extra charge.
They always said that their patients would be best cared for if the caregiver was in good health. We had the good fortune of being under the care of doctors who looked at the total picture and support system, not just the illness.
They'd also give the usual advice and reminders about the importance of taking care of ourselves — both patient and caregiver. Our own health should come first. Otherwise, there'd be more than one sick person at home and neither would get better if no one was committed.
HEED THE ADVICE
The advice sounds simple enough. In fact, I've heard and read about it so many times.
For example, exercise regularly because it reduces stress, fights depression and keeps you fit. You need the stamina for the long haul, especially when your loved one gets critically ill and needs round-the-clock attention.
Eat healthily and regularly. Turn away from sweets and highly processed food and drinks. Eating smart and making the right choices protect you from hypertension, heart disease, diabetes, and stomach problems like gastric.
Be mindful when you lift and carry heavy things, including your loved one. Learn to do it properly to avoid hurting your back or overworking it. Bear in mind that we're not getting any younger. It'll also help to learn and do specific exercises to strengthen your back.
Learn to relax by taking your mind off your problems. Easier said than done, I know. But meditation, listening to soothing music, going for walks or watching comedies may help. Being in the company of positive people is definitely a spirit-lifter.
You may think it's all "yada- yada" and brush it off. Don't, because before you know it, you might have to care for another person before you're done with one. It could be an addition, or it could happen again a few years later.
Sometimes, care-giving doesn't end with just one or two persons, especially not when you have many people you love and care for. Understanding and accepting your situation will hold you in good stead, if it ever happens again.
(The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.)
Putri Juneita Johari volunteers for the Special Community Society of Ampang. She can be reached at [email protected].
