TODAY is the first day of 2023. What plans and goals have you set for yourself? Is your resolution this year any different from last year's? Are you continuing from the previous list, or planning to improve it?
Actually, if I didn't look at the calendar or the time of day, one day isn't really that different from the other. However, because of the date and time, the moment the clock chimes to mark the beginning of a new day — and especially a new year — something inexplicable happens. It's just a feeling, but it sure feels great because it's as if there's a burst of energy and hope.
One chapter has closed, and another is about to begin. If I were cynical about things, I might just get caught up in a web of negativity. Nothing has really changed. In fact, some things may get worse over time. This makes me really sad and depressed because the illness is still there.
The bedsore is still gaping and needs careful attention. My ailing elderly loved one is still being fed by tube through the nose. She still hasn't regained her ability to swallow. And the list goes on. It doesn't really help when some people bluntly tell me to be prepared for worse.
Yet, there are days when she'd moan and grunt in response when I call out her name, and gently hold her hand and stroke it. There's some connection there. Not all is lost. Hope gushes forth like a breath of fresh air. Everything seems a bit better and bearable.
FIND THE EQUILIBRIUM
How is it for you? Are there days when your ailing loved one is being difficult? Do they make you feel like you're mistreating them? Do they make you out like you're a bully when in fact, they're the bullies? Are there people who make you feel as though what you're doing isn't enough?
Somewhere, somehow, that line about "how a parent can care for 10 children but none of those children can reciprocate that care when the time comes" would creep up. Talk about guilt tripping!
Caregivers who are new in their roles of caring for their ailing elderly loved ones may feel overwhelmed by the multitude of things they have to deal with. It's a lot to take in within the first few weeks or even months.
While your head will spin with all sorts of information to process and numerous things to do for your ailing loved one, as well as others in your family, you must try your best to step away for a moment to focus on how you can serve everyone's needs without burning out. Get your equilibrium back. Remember that you matter too. Don't neglect yourself.
EFFICIENT CAREGIVING
So, here's my New Year's list on how we can be efficient caregivers without losing ourselves and our health in the process.
First, be kind to yourself. It's ok to take some time off and do things for yourself, especially going for medical check-ups. Be open to assistance. Don't feel like you're the only one who can do the job perfectly even though that may be true. You've got to find someone who can be your backup and cover for you.
It's normal to worry about being inadequate in providing the best care for your loved one. It's a bigger worry about handing over that "job" to another person. You've got to learn to trust someone enough to care for your loved one, otherwise you'd run yourself ragged. Letting go is never easy. Start gradually and remain a part of the process until you've worked out the details.
Here's the thing I learnt the hard way — even professional healthcare providers make mistakes. So, we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves for not being perfect. Mistakes can happen. Some things are totally unexpected. That said, neglect and carelessness can't be tolerated.
Don't bear the burden alone. Talk about your challenges with those you can trust. Maybe they can connect you with other people who've been in similar situations. You'll find that you're not alone.
Try to find time for yourself. Once you learn to carve out time for yourself from the all-consuming duties of caregiving, identify the things you enjoy doing that can nourish your spirit, body and soul.
You may want to reconnect with friends through social media, phone calls, video chats or quick meet-ups over meals. Or you may pick up that book you've been putting off reading. You can start your workouts again, from simple things like casual walks in your neighbourhood or parks.
Take a look at your list again. If you feel like your wish list is still the same, don't be daunted. Look at it differently. Maybe you've been targeting the big things all this while. Look at the little things you've achieved and let that send you on a positive note into the future.
Have a great New Year!
(The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.)
Putri Juneita Johari volunteers for the Special Community Society of Ampang. She can be reached at [email protected].
