WHAT are your memories of the old folks in your life? How do you remember them? It could be anyone in the course of your life — parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, in-laws and even siblings.
When I was a child visiting my elderly relatives with my parents, we were always taught to greet the oldest in the family first, even if that person was bedridden and/or unconscious.
We were told to reach out for the hand first and then kiss it as a sign of respect, but not before checking if there were any tubes there. The relative who was the host or the main caregiver would announce our arrival and mention our names as we approached and salam.
We'd spend a few short minutes there. If the elderly person was still conscious, we'd ask perfunctory questions regarding his health. If he was in a good mood, we could actually have an interesting conversation. However, if that person happened to be unconscious, we'd go closer to his ear to wish him well and even say a prayer to ease his discomfort.
These were things my late mother instilled in us. Visiting the sick was her thing, and she'd often bring one of her children with her. All of us — my siblings and I — would have done this "tour of duty" as we called it. We weren't always a willing party to these visits, but we'd never decline mum's request to accompany her.
We did this even when we went on family holidays where we'd visit relatives there, especially if there was someone unwell. It became a routine whenever we balik kampung, and there were quite a few places where we did that.
LESSONS LEARNT
Over time and growing up with these experiences, seeing people who were sick and in various physical state wasn't so scary or shocking anymore. If anything, it got us curious about how people got to that condition. It was then that we learnt first-hand about illnesses such as stroke, dementia, paralysis, polio, cerebral palsy, epilepsy, asthma, and diabetes, to name a few.
We saw how they were cared for, what the family did for them going the extra mile and more. We also saw the dedication and sacrifices made by families for their ailing loved ones. These were things we saw and stored in the depths of our memories which came in handy years later when we faced similar challenges.
If there's anything I remember about them, whether they were feisty and zany or weak and bedridden, I remember the way they looked (neat or rumpled) and how they smelled (fresh or soiled). This is why we, as caregivers, should try our best to keep our loved ones the way they were when they were well.
For example, when my late mother recovered from her coma and came home, we'd take her to the hair salon for a nice wash, cut and blow, and also for a round of mani-pedi. We always ensured she had her favourite perfume on too.
Depending on the physical and mental state, and their willingness to cooperate, personal hygiene and the cleanliness of their living space are also very important. This isn't just for aesthetic reasons, but it also prevents possible new diseases that could be avoided caused by dirty conditions.
MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER
A bedridden person can become vulnerable to health complications like painful bedsores, circulation and respiratory problems, depressions and contractures (stiffness of joints) due to lack of activity for long periods.
So, you'd need to move them and change their positions often, like every two hours or so, to prevent bedsores. You'd need to do some physiotherapy and stretching exercises so their circulation improves and their limbs are less stiff.
Remember to trim nails so that they don't accidentally scratch themselves and cause lacerations to their already thin and sensitive skin. Personal hygiene of bathing regularly, and washing after each urination and bowel movement is also important.
They may not need to be bathed every day, but a good sponge bath will allow them to feel fresh on those warm, balmy days. They may not be able to tell you how uncomfortable they are or if they're in pain, but they do appreciate it. Just ask yourself how you'd like to feel in that situation.
Another reason to keep them clean and fresh is for the wellbeing of the patient. No one in their right mind wants to be smelly and unkempt. But there'd be those cases when keeping them clean is a challenge.
By keeping them clean, fresh and smelling good, they'd be nicer to visit. Relatives, especially children who can be scared of visiting ailing old people for the first time, would have a better time visiting instead of wanting to bolt out of the door the first chance they get.
Hugs, kisses and gestures of love always makes people feel better. And if that's the last medicine left to give, let's make sure we give it in big doses.
[The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.]
Putri Juneita Johari volunteers for the Special Community Society of Ampang. She can be reached at [email protected].
