"WHERE are you, dear?" the text flashes on the screen of my phone. I swiftly dial the number to let the sender know where I am. Peering my head around the partition, I'm instantly within her line of sight.
Cutting a striking figure as she makes her way towards the back of the café in Sunway Geo where I'm sitting, Qastella looks absolutely regal. I suddenly feel self-conscious, especially since I've been baking from the heat of the sunlight penetrating the glass window ever since I arrived.
She smiles as she takes her seat opposite me and happily obliges as I attach my lavalier mic on her blouse. With my curiosity getting the better of me, I fire my opening question, "Tell me, where did the name Qastella come from?" I mean, it's an unusual name.
"Ha!" she exclaims with a chuckle, before sharing: "That's my nickname; the one my mum gave me while we were on a trip in Rome. I was 3."
Born Yasmin Nur Ain Nasution, the 32-year-old model was staying with her parents in Ipoh, Perak. Then her mother decided to pursue her postgraduate degree in business in Florida, the United States, taking Qastella along with her. She was only a year old then.
Her voice soft, she continues: "We were there for five years. After my mother graduated, we returned to Malaysia." She pauses momentarily, her mind shifting to retrieve a memory. Adding, she admits: "That was when I discovered another culture. Another culture besides that of America."
She confides that the transition was quite a shock for her. Brows furrowing, she explains: "My mother tongue is not Malay. It's English. When I came back to Ipoh and met my grandparents, I discovered there was this other language — Bahasa Melayu — that I needed to learn. And learn it fast."
Rewinding back the years, she recalls: "When I came back to Malaysia, I was enrolled in a kindergarten. It was so awkward. This was when I discovered that size can subject you to discrimination. Even as a 6-year-old in kindergarten, I was a big girl, and the tallest in the class. There was bias and discrimination. I remember during lunch, my portion would often be reduced by half."
A pregnant silence suddenly fills the air between us. Her expression pensive, Qastella continues: "I remember also how the rest of my kindy classmates would get a Gardenia bun, but mine would be cut in half. The other children got milk but I got plain water only. I was considered too fat."
Suffice it to say, the young Qastella was affected by it all. "Every time I went home, I cried," she confides, before adding that her mother sometimes resorted to secretly stashing food for her to bring to kindergarten so she wouldn't go hungry.
Her mother, shares Qastella, had to go to work, which meant that she had to be sent to a daycare. "That was the starting point when I began asking questions. I was preoccupied with the question of why everyone seemed to hate me."
PRESSURE CONTINUES
Things got worse when she entered primary school in Shah Alam, Selangor, remembers Qastella. "My mother and I searched everywhere for school uniforms because we couldn't find any in my size. In the end, she had to custom-make it for me."
The biggest challenge during her primary school days came during her physical education classes. "The teacher wasn't very kind about my weight. Body shaming became the norm. I wasn't fast enough and the teacher would say things like 'Tu la, dah lah gemuk, makan lagi. Dah tak boleh nak lari' (See, you're already fat but still continue eating. Now you can't even run)."
But not all her teachers were like that. Some thought she was cute. "I was very good in English, so my English teachers loved me very much," adds Qastella happily, the trace of a smile finally crossing her face.
The challenges resumed when she entered secondary school and had to participate in the many curricular activities. "It was the same thing again," she recalls with a frown. Adding, she tells me that the bullying got so bad, and the criticism and insults so hurtful, that she ended up asking her mother if she could be home-schooled.
"It just got too much," she adds, simply. Continuing, Qastella says: "I wasn't keen on joining any of the sporting activities because I was criticised for my size. All my peers were skinny. We had the Red Crescent Society, volleyball, javelin throwing and the kawad kaki (marching brigade).
"In kawad kaki, there was nothing in plus-size features. The uniform has to be in one size because everyone had to look the same."
Of course, Qastella would have stuck out like a sore thumb.
JOINING THE WORKFORCE
So traumatised by the stigma in her school days, Qastella made the decision not to pursue tertiary education, and instead, to join the workforce right after secondary school. "But why?" I couldn't help blurting out.
Her smile is wry when she replies: "What happened to me at school was enough to put fear in me. I didn't want to put myself through those emotions anymore. Maybe others may see such things as not important. But if you love yourself, how can you allow yourself to be stepped on so many times?"
But it wasn't easy either when she first started job hunting.
Her eyes cloud over when Qastella shares: "The first thing I noticed whenever I walked into a room for my interview was the way the interviewers looked at me from top to bottom. You can just read their mind; 'What's this fat girl doing here?' they probably thought. You could tell they were disgusted. Even if you had the experience they were looking for, they have judged you based on your appearance. This went on for four years after my SPM."
She persevered, nonetheless, and eventually secured a job as a part-time sales associate. "I'm good at talking," she states the obvious.
Qastella continues: "During the time I was doing part-time jobs, I was also attending modelling classes. I met photographers who taught me how to pose and create my own persona for the camera."
She learnt the different ways of presenting herself — whether for the camera, the catwalk or whilst talking to others. Smiling, she exclaims: "I learnt so much during those years. Now I'm building my career as a model."
ENTERING THE WORLD OF GLAMOUR
It all started with a beauty pageant that she participated in in 2014. The gutsy young lady emerged as second runner-up, but as she tells me, winning the title was what she needed to boost her confidence.
"There were 60 contestants for Jumbo Queen and I was placed among the Top three winners. After that, I wanted to see what else I could do," confides Qastella, adding that the organisers did an excellent job in organising the beauty pageant. But unfortunately, the last pageant was held in 2018 before being discontinued.
Clinching that title was significant in inspiring Qastella to enter modelling on a full-time basis. She began scouring for casting opportunities for both modelling and acting, and finally landed her first runway show in 2017.
That was the start of her foray into the industry.
"I decided to give modelling a shot because I'd lost two of my best friends to suicide," shares Qastella, elaborating that she'd known them since her secondary school years.
Adding, she says: "They were both plus-size students too. This is my way of honouring their memory. I feel that it's important to love yourself and to accept every flaw. Otherwise, nothing will feel right. This is how I express myself."
A tinge of regret enters her voice when she muses softly: "I wasn't a good friend to both of them. I didn't ask them how they were or if they needed any support."
Shaking her head as if to shake off the sombreness that has suddenly descended, Qastella points out that it wasn't too long ago when people couldn't accept fashion on a fat body. "I remember, like, 10 years ago, fat models weren't desirable. Fat is/was associated with an unhealthy lifestyle. People assume you allow this to happen to you. Yet, there are so many reasons why someone's fat. They could be facing a lot of issues, which aren't even related to over-eating."
Qastella was recently appointed the president of Pretty in Plus (PiP), an informal network comprising plus-size women who come to support one another. She takes on a motherly role, quick to reach out to anyone who appears to be in need.
They recently secured their own place to congregate. "This place is a safe haven for the community based in Centro Mall, Klang," says Qastella, beaming proudly. She elaborates: "PiP is related to everything that I do because of my experiences. Discrimination due to size. Body shaming. I experienced all that early in life, even when I went to work."
This probably explains why she looks up to Ashley Graham, an international model who's also a body-positive icon. Says Qastella: "Ashley went through the same hardships as a plus-size model. I can relate to her pain. I get my inspiration from her."
LOOKING TO THE FUTURE
As our interview session almost comes to an end, Qastella suddenly brings up the topic of a plus-size Fashion Week — the Malaysian version.
Fashion week? I ask her, slowly gathering my things.
She nods and replies: "Australia has already organised a plus-size Fashion Week. So why not Malaysia? Here, there's no way a plus-size person can buy designer clothes because there's simply no size available for them."
Excitedly, Qastella tells me that she envisions this as a platform for all local plus-size fashion brands to showcase their designs for plus-size men, women and children. Even pets!
"I have a fat cat!" exclaims Qastella with a chuckle, before adding: "So I need a fat baju (shirt) for my cat!"
And where would she hold this event?
A long pause ensues before Qastella eventually replies: "I'd say in the city centre, specifically Pavilion. I'd like to get at least 20 designers involved. This means we'll need 200 models, all of whom will be recruited from our community. It'd be great to have this take place before Merdeka Day 2023. We'll need sponsors for the stage set-up, lighting, sound checks, and of course, the venue."
At the moment, it almost sounds like wishful thinking. But if Qastella can bring this to fruition, well, she has already promised me an invitation.
